Shadow Days

When you start waking up already anxious before you even have time to make the morning coffee, let alone contemplate all the trials and tribulations in your life, you know there is a problem.

 

Thank you to those who gave advice and/or support. After my vacation and approximately one month off for Savvy, I suddenly found myself terrified.

Of what, I wasn't quite sure.

True, Savvy had gone a bit feral and had really slipped back in her jumping form and confidence, but really that was not worthy of causing this level of anxiety. She may be a complicated ride, but not a dangerous one at all.

It took a step back for a bit and sorted through what the heck was going on.  All the things that I have been dealing with (mostly involving my mother who has dementia) had kind of snowballed lately. I needed to put things in better perspective and let go of worrying about all the little things that did not need immediate attention. I forgave myself for not being able to do it all and do it best (best of who, I couldn't tell you).

Carrots are a girl's best friend.

And with the wonder pony, I grabbed up great advice to break things down and build back up slowly. I am happy to report Savvy is doing great and every ride is getting easier for me. We are still only at about 2 feet but there is real progress happening and we are almost back where we left off in July.

Grid work has been useful for helping Savvy remember what to with her legs (seriously horse, it was only a month!) and helping me focus on body position, counting strides and NOT grabbing mane (I seem to have developed a bad habit of grabbing those flowing locks of Savvy's like its my security blanket).

We have graduated to a nice little course of seven jumps that I have set up in a way that I can change up the order and work on different approaches.

Nine more sleeps until the Manitoba Equestrian Championships! I am really starting to look forward to it and I think Savvy and I are going to do just fine.

A Year In Review!

This has not been a year full of shows and ribbons and jumping progress like I had planned. Paired with disappointment and letting go came an unexpected incredible new beginning.

Lets have a look at where it all started:

APRIL 2015:
First show of the year with Miss Tea! We had a bit of time off mid-winter so were a bit under-prepared, but that's nothing new for me. It was an overwhelming venue but ended well - I won highpoint equitation and left feeling like this was going to be THE YEAR for me and Miss Tea.

Also this month the kidlets started riding lessons and I promised myself to dedicate more time on training Savvy.

MAY 2015:
I was looking to keep the ball rolling with Miss Tea and entered a schooling show that was somewhat disappointing as it really highlighted our inability to canter a course.

JUNE 2015:
June started off with a small local show (but is always a big deal because everyone you know is there and its not the place to be making mistakes --  horse people love horse gossip.) This show went well and on retrospect I think the fact that the footing was SO wet and deep that Miss Tea had no choice but to dig in and use her hind end which equaled much more stability and power and resulted in our first cantered course with no wobbles or tripping.

Also the best show of the season happened -- kids and mom showing together -- could life be any better?!! This was also the show where Miss Tea and I jumped perfectly with no anxiety issues on my part (kids are a great show distraction!) and I recall saying "That's it! That was so good I never have to jump again!"

 

This was the month I also had the pleasure of meeting a talented dressage coach with a) a barn not too far for trailering. b) affordable lesson fees. c) a horse-minded training philosophy that was a must for me. It seemed like a good idea to get into a program with Savvy to keep me on track and give her the consistency she would need to be officially 'broke'.  

 

Can't I just stay here and eat hay? - Savvy

JULY 2015:
Savvy attended her first show and I took in my first experience at a dressage show! It went so much better than expected and I kind of started to see how dressage could be appealing to some.



In July we also added a new set of hooves to the herd - Meyla!

 

 

SEPTEMBER 2015:

The summer slipped away fast but there were still shows on the horizon and although I was starting to have serious doubts about Miss Tea's cantering abilities, I was still optimistic that I could teach her to use her body correctly for a more balanced, safe canter. Then the big trip happened. Not going to lie, my confidence dive bombed and the quiet struggle turned into a shouting wakeup call.

 

OCTOBER 2015:

My focus over the course of the year turned more and more on to Savvy and this was the month she

cantered with a rider!

 

NOVEMBER 2015:

Reflection, tears, booze, and a decision. Riding a balanced greenie like Savvy just highlighted how off Miss Tea really was. It was so hard to let go of my simple little hunter dreams but having such a great little horse like Savvy to work with certainly softened the blow.

 

DECEMBER 2015:

Snow had me slowed down, but I am so excited about where Savvy and I are headed!

 

Another year has come and gone. It was not what I had expected, but I am learning to roll with things, listen to myself more and allow better things into my life. I am surprising myself to say I am hooked on dressage. I am a bit daunted though by just how much there is to learn.

 

I am literally starting on the bottom -- a horse that knows nothing and a rider that wishes she knew so much more...let's do this!

 

A new normal

I have been having so much fun with Savvy for the last few months, but I have been avoiding something in my mind. I knew what I needed to do, but I wasn't sure if I could officially face it.

Sophia knows fun.

Even though I have always had multiple project horses on the go, Miss Tea was my number one girl and I envisioned quite a future with this amazing horse.

If you are a believer in "you may not get what you want, but you get what you need", then this might be the case with what I have gone through with her. She was the young horse I was supposed to be starting right at the peak of my anxiety issues. Just leading a horse out of the paddock could reduce me to a shaking mess. I had the heavy decision to get better or get out of horses, and chose to dig in and get better. We worked through everything starting with horse agility (basically a horse style obstacle course with the handler on the ground) and being able to venture out together without the added stress of having to ride was huge for both of us. Working on the specific tasks was a perfect distraction for my fear.

With my confidence growing and Miss Tea turning into a decent, safe mount, we started low hunters and it was amazing! Unfortunately the super fun cross rail classes at a trot never seemed to evolve into great canter rounds and so we struggled.

One show this summer where we dug in and made it all work a few rounds.

I have been avoiding writing about Miss Tea for a while.  I am not riding her anymore and I was not sure if I was ready to say that to anyone out loud or in type. People may not understand and think I am giving up. I am in a way, but not a bad way. I am too stubborn to ever give in without a fight.

The problem is simple. Miss Tea cannot canter and I am not interested in holding her together every stride so we don't fall down. Which she does. Fall. Down. The last time she fell was so bad I fell off right in front of her and she cut her lip.

Balance issues are a part of a green horse's development. Ups and downs happen all the time and falling off horses happens. I am fine with that. But knowingly getting on a horse with downhill conformation and known clumsiness (proven not medical by chiropractor/vet/farrier), not improved with 2 years of canter focused work I think is just not fun.

And life being strange and wonderful as it is, came Savvy when I was strong enough to handle a bigger challenge in personality, but a walk/trot/canter like its no big deal. No tripping. No holding together. Just soft hands and a smile on my face.

Savvy says just keep passing the treats and we will keep having good times, or she will eat my boot.

 We have cantered four times now in her training and so far so good! Today's canter was a lot easier to initiate, and we lasted 3/4s of the arena both directions. This is fun.

And this is what Meyla thinks about it. Pony knows fun.