stomach flips

I'm not going to lie, these past 6 years have been filled with a whole lot of fear and hard work trying to get rid of it.

Some days, just the thought of riding fills me with dread and I wonder what the heck I am even doing with a horse. Horse agility saved me from giving up. I spent a year and a half building a solid relationship with my girl, working together to build trust and courage and the both of us growing more confident together. It also allowed me to get her out and about, fix the trailering issue with lots of play days, seeing new places and having fun without the stress of "riding".

Just when I thought we were both in a good place, learning to jump fences brought us both back to insecurity, doubt and wondering why to bother.

The most important lesson I have learned through this journey is to trust myself and do what I feel is right for me and my horse. I may not be a great trainer or even a good rider, but I do know my horse and how to get the best from her. She's an incredible girl and will try so hard for me, as long as I am there for her in a strong, confident yet compassionate way and give her time to think things through.

I just finished up a ride this afternoon that made my heart sing. It was just a light warm up, a little soft long and low, easy canters and without any stomach flipping or debate, aimed her at the jumps and cantered around like air time ain't no thing! She even through in attempts at flying lead changes, bless her heart!

There is a fun show this weekend at the barn I take lessons at and I am feeling optimistic. A little scared, but more excited. It feels like a great way to measure how far we have come this year and also a chance to just have some fun and enjoy horse time (of course I am entering the costume class, and yes I am doing barrel racing in an English saddle!). Wish me luck :P

Tuesday Lesson

I have always been leery of addictions. Besides its obvious negative associations I have always simply been too stubborn to allow myself to be seen as controlled or driven by something outside myself.

Horses brake that rule for me. Namely jumping! This addiction is so strong, it outweighs my intense fear of things going wrong and getting hurt.

Last night I felt the high I remembered from years gone by and it happened over a 1-foot cross rail jumping course!

Our lesson began with a course set up, but with all rails on the ground to get situated, work on our lines to and from the jumps, using our space and being good little hunter riders. Then the cross rails went up and we road it at trot, hunter style. My girl did a great job and it was a lovely little stress-free jaunt.

We all were practicing for the upcoming fun show at the barn, and most of us were planning to enter the jumper class as well, so next coach talked to us about the difference between hunter and jumper rounds and how to change our ride.

My first time out was so timid and I missed all the tight turns I was supposed to attempt. On my second try at it something came over me. I small glimmer of the fearless competitive gymkhana girl showed up and off I went! Coach said "ride her like you stole her!" and I certainly tried. :) There might have been some extended canter here and there.

That. Felt. Good.

Poker Derby

Who doesn't love a crisp fall day ride mixed in with a little gambling?

I learned:
 Traffic, tractors, wagons are not a problem for my girl
 Quads, a bit scary.
 Potluck trail rides = mucho food! :)

Letting go

I had such a great lesson last night and experienced a whole new feeling of riding towards and after a jump. It was one of those after lesson feelings of "YES!!" I can do this people!

First of all, I have to say this fab lesson was on the heels of a not so stellar ride last week where I jumped Miss Tea the first time since her back problems started. She was wonderful and didn't show me any signs of refusal or discomfort, nada. But me...I was so afraid on that first approach that I pulled her from canter to a trot and was actively looking for escape routes! My poor girl jumped it anyways, all on her own with no backup from her terrified rider. All jumps thereafter were me holding her too hard and coach telling me to RELEASE.

So, approaching this lesson, I was determined to redeem myself and do right by my horse. I did a full hang-on-to-mane release three strides before jump and worked very hard at picking up contact softly not before at least three strides out. All I can say is WOW!!!! Giving my girl her head and letting her think her way towards and over the jump was terrifying (I like to micromanage like no other) but so freeing at the same time.

I am so proud of my mare.

Cheers to everyone out there trying to be a better rider for their horse. The road training yourself and your horse may be long, but what a beautiful ride!

Surviving horses

Over all the years I have been caring for horses, I can tell you that a horse can certainly get creative in finding ways to hurt themselves. I have been through many an injury and being the overly anxious type, when I see a way to prevent something, I will darn well do so.

I have been working very hard on managing my stress and trying to become less freakishly worried about everything horse related. My confidence was severely shaken a few years back and it has been a lot of hard work getting it back. At my worst, I was looking out the back window of my house at the view of the horses in their corrals with heart racing and palms sweating, praying they wouldn't be running. If they were, my gosh, certainly they could get hurt. If it were muddy they could slide into the fence (yes, that has happened, and more than once).

If I were planning to ride, I would be shaking already before I even got out of the house. It took a decision, a commitment to get over this, that began a long struggle back to enjoying horses again.

I have come a long way and no longer panic when I see the horses playing around. I don't even look out the back window much anymore, and I certainly don't feel the panic I used to.

View from my window :)

Tonight was one of those fine evenings that gave me a glimpse of how far I am coming along. After putting the kids to bed, I headed out to do the evening feeding. My 1 and 1/2-year-old filly, Shiraz and the pony, Silver had been in the arena for the day to do some "mowing" for me. As I entered the barn yard, I could see the metal arena gate on the ground, bent in a U shape, and the fence post it was hinged to was broken in half. Hm. Interesting. Now, this is where in the past I would have filled with fear, wondering how bad the injury would be to the horse that did this, running, shaking to find her.

Proudly I can say I did not. Instead I paused and considered the situation. As I was going over it in my mind, gaping wounds or not, I knew I would be able to handle it. And moving forward with fingers crossed, I saw Shiraz. After examining every inch of her, there was just one little mark on her knee. No swelling, no bleeding, and nothing else. What a lucky little horse.

My anxiety is still there. Like when I am approaching the first jump of a ride, or thinking of taking my mare on a trail ride, but I can feel myself improving all the time, in small ways. With a commitment to baby steps and "doing what I can do, until I can do more", I know I'll get where I want to be.

Fall riding

I love fall. It would be my favorite season if I could only forget it is a precursor to winter...

After pausing momentarily to soak in the beauty of the colours,  I resume my spot in panic mode over prepping for winter, is there enough hay, is everything in a spot I can find it once 3 feet of snow is here, will my de-icers last one more winter, will I really survive -32 yet again...!

love her!

My focus with Miss Tea these days is all flat work getting her to think about using her hind end and maybe perhaps lifting her back.

It is so hard for her. She would much prefer to drag her back legs along and hollow out, but we are getting a few steps here and there of magic!




When we get it, it feels so elevated, light but powerful! She still looks downhill, but she is a Quarter horse and aren't they bred to be downhill?

 

Less downhill than usual :)

Much better reach for her with the hind end


Taking time to smell the daisies

Ups and downs

What a summer. After the up of Carman fair came the down of a horse with a problem. Even though Miss Tea had been doing so well, all that forward momentum came to a screeching halt when she started to seem sore, started bucking at the canter, and losing weight.

Just give me a carrot already woman.

Figuring it all out was a bit tricky. The ground at home was very hard after weeks of no rain. Maybe sore feet? Another possibility was her back--she is ridiculously long-backed and has always had trouble using her hind end. Perhaps all the riding we had done thus far had taken a toll?

Even lounging her was a mess. She would trip over her hind feet a lot and buck at the canter. She was just not happy.

So, step one was to just give her a brake for a bit and see what evolved...meanwhile, my sweet little Savvy girl was waiting and ready for some much needed attention! I had started her lightly last summer, but no where near truly broke to ride. A few weeks in with her and I was able to take her over to a friend's arena for our Sunday horsemanship practice and she was fantastic! She is such an amazing girl and learns incredibly fast. Her only issue is she gets VERY excitable in unfamiliar situations, but that is something we will work out by just getting her out and about more.



Smart little mare picking up on this riding thing like a Boss!



 

I discovered Miss Tea's issues were back related, so after time off, I purchased a riser for my saddle to make that as best a fit as it could be, started her slowly with lots of ground work and now we are cautiously back into riding. So far so good! The aim is to strengthen her top line and see if I can help prevent this from happening again.