I'm not going to lie, these past 6 years have been filled with a whole lot of fear and hard work trying to get rid of it.
Some days, just the thought of riding fills me with dread and I wonder what the heck I am even doing with a horse. Horse agility saved me from giving up. I spent a year and a half building a solid relationship with my girl, working together to build trust and courage and the both of us growing more confident together. It also allowed me to get her out and about, fix the trailering issue with lots of play days, seeing new places and having fun without the stress of "riding".
Just when I thought we were both in a good place, learning to jump fences brought us both back to insecurity, doubt and wondering why to bother.
The most important lesson I have learned through this journey is to trust myself and do what I feel is right for me and my horse. I may not be a great trainer or even a good rider, but I do know my horse and how to get the best from her. She's an incredible girl and will try so hard for me, as long as I am there for her in a strong, confident yet compassionate way and give her time to think things through.
I just finished up a ride this afternoon that made my heart sing. It was just a light warm up, a little soft long and low, easy canters and without any stomach flipping or debate, aimed her at the jumps and cantered around like air time ain't no thing! She even through in attempts at flying lead changes, bless her heart!
There is a fun show this weekend at the barn I take lessons at and I am feeling optimistic. A little scared, but more excited. It feels like a great way to measure how far we have come this year and also a chance to just have some fun and enjoy horse time (of course I am entering the costume class, and yes I am doing barrel racing in an English saddle!). Wish me luck :P