My game plan for the past few years has been to set myself up for success which involved breaking steps down into smaller peices to not overface me or my horse. It worked. It was a lovely little bubble. Within the bubble a little bit of work could get done safely and my confidence began to return, bit by bit.
This upcoming year though I want to expand my bubble. This is not going to be easy. I know how to keep status quo very well and I am really going to have to push myself to take that extra step. Really that is all I want from myself at this point--just one extra step beyond my comfortable little bubble and hopefully build on that.
|A major success -- although admittedly felt more like a giant leap rather than a little step!|
Just about three months in and there have been some successful attempts at this and also some fails. My last lesson highlighted where I am at right now. I do have confidence but it is not infinite and old memories from past horses are still affecting me (aka Miss Tea and her crazy reactions when things went wrong). I immediately knew where my anxiety was coming from when I suddenly could not push Savvy through that grid. I was afraid of what has happened to me in the past when pushing an unsure horse, NOT what I really believed Savvy might do.
I am okay with this. Knowing where my fears are coming from is very helpful. I was gutted at first but that feeling like it is not fixable is coming from a different place, a different horse. This is Savvy and we can work through things. Even though she is anoyingly oppinionated and occasionally tells me off, she does trust me and I can honestly say I know I can handle her opinions.
Status quo has been affecting her too. She has been enjoying that bubble I made for us and will have reactions to me expanding our comfort zone. Which means she will question my authority, and wonder if I have lost my marbles but we will adjust to this increase of expectations.